New beginnings

New beginnings.  

Those are two heavy words aren't they. They are filled with expectation, excitement, joy...but also with fear, doubt and panic.

I feel all these things.

I am a woman and I multitask. 

Even feelings and emotions.

I am getting ahead of myself now. 

Long before this, there was another, lingering, annoying feeling. Longing.

The longing to have a different life. Longing to find my purpose.

Do you sometimes get the feeling that you are somehow wasting your life?

I certainly did. 

But, like anything in life, I needed a nudge.

I am lazy after all, and I had a comfortable life.

5 years ago, I got my nudge. Well, it was less of a nudge and more like a bulldozer making its way across my life.

I was pregnant.

It was going to be a girl. A girl, looking up to me. Me as a role model. Me, shaping her personality, her confidence, her future.

I have to go lie down.

Which I did. And think. And panic.

Excerpt of my innermost thoughts :

"I am not a good example.  I am wasting my life. I am not good at anything! What kind of mom am I going to be?"

and

"Am I enough?"

That is when I started baking. 

I can't say why it was baking and not sewing, opening an online party supply shop, getting online classes to become ______ (insert any trade here).

I talked myself into the idea of this being something like a real goal, fairly quickly into starting. I guess the instinct part of my brain took over entirely, not letting me doubt for a second.

Baking. I never baked. Why baking??

It started with cupcakes, but quickly turned into a cookie decorating obsession, with occasional dipping into the cake pop world. Cakes were far away from my mind, I felt cakes were too difficult, too important. 

What if I produce a complete cake wreck for someone's special day?? I couldn't live with that.

My girl, Lily, was born and was the perfect baby. She slept and slept while mommy practiced and practiced. 

It was about 6 months until I started my Facebook page. And it wasn't long before I actually got orders. 

Facebook was, by far, the biggest help for me starting my business. It helped me connect to other bakers, it helped me see what others were doing, thus pushing me to get better. 

And strangers were even ordering things from me! (I still can't believe that...)

In June 2012, I made my very first cake. And it wasn't for someone I knew. I told her I had never made one, but she wanted a cake, and she even told me she had total confidence that it would be good.

I didn't charge her for it, because I didn't know what I was doing... 

But it wasn't bad at all! If I do say so myself, for a first cake ever...

First cake

A few months later I made Lily's first birthday cake and at the end of the year I had two other orders.

By summer 2013, I was almost only making cakes.

It took over my life. I spent all my free time looking through the internet for tutorials, ideas... I found everything I needed and more. 

Thank you world wide web.

I had found my passion. I had found what I was good at. 

Because even if I am not the most confident person on the planet, I believe I am good at this. I spend a lot of time and energy developing my own style, finding the right colors and trying to make my customers happy.

Though not everyone is always happy.

I am still just a person. And I can't please everyone. 

I wish I could though. And I wish everyone knew and understood what type of person that I am. I genuinely want everyone to be happy. I don't lie or try to hide things. I want people to see that I try my best with every creation.

So for the last few years, I have been creating. Teaching. 

But also otherwise working. Part-time jobs, and part-time cakes, full-time mom and housewife. Overtime stress and fatigue.

It was time for another type of new beginning. Not just finding my passion. 

Living it.

So I quit my part-time job.

And just weeks later, I found a cake studio. Coincidence? I prefer to call it fate. Somehow it gives me more confidence to think it was meant to be, that everything would be ok.

So, unless something unforeseen gets in the way, I have now baked my last cake ever, at home.

I am embarking on the last step of my new beginning. 

Complete independence. 

Joy! 

Mixed with fear of course. But that's part of growing. You can't grow, change or become better if you only go the safe path.

This is me, taking the scary path. So bye bye home kitchen. 

Hello cake studio! 

Be kind and patient with me. I hope to do wonderful things with your help and I hope that being there will inspire me to grow and become better. Everyday.

Welcome new beginning.